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4/22/13

Well Played, Wesley Taylor, Well Played


I see you over there, Wesley Taylor. I watch your new web series, It Could Be Worse, every week and look forward to its return this Friday. More importantly, I watched your character go around kissing some Broadway lovelies, and starring in a new musical, and making out with some more Broadway lovelies. You know, rinse, cycle, repeat.

But don't think that your occasionally sans-clothes body (complete with your gyrating hips) and knack for droll comedy threw me off your trail; I am on to your shady ass. This entire web series is a ruse for you to swap intimacy and saliva with some of Broadway's finest...and I am taking it quite personally. How dare you, Wesley? Your body count is, like, most people's actual "list." Oh, but for you, it's just another day on set. Boo, you whore (literally). Let's recap:

Matt DeAngelis

Maybe because I find Woof kind of disarmingly awesome and free-spirited (then again, most characters in Hair are), but Matt is all sorts of gosh-darn, uniquely adorables. I dig him; he has personality. Oh, but in Mr. Taylor's world, he is but a mere one-night-stand. You know, the usual...like remember that time you hopped in the sack with Matt DeAngelis and was all, "wutevs; I have an audition to go to?" Yeah, neither do I.

Kyle Dean Massey

You're in trouble now, Wesley. I have a soft spot for KDM (understatement, quite frankly). Oh, but not only did you deny KDM, Wesley...he approached you from behind in a dimly-lit alleyway like some sort of attempted predatory, lustful, "we may just bareback right here" moment. And after almost mouthing it out, you carry on your "woe is me" life like its no biggie. Kyle, rest assured, I would have treated you better...at the minimum, I would have conversed with you after you plowed me like a field. Because I care...and want to kiss you. For obvious reasons.

Audra McDonald

Just because she's a female does not make my rage any less demure, Wes (can I call you Wes? Okay Wes). Audra is free game (marriage to Will Swenson aside) because she's the closest thing on this planet to a goddess. Kissing her is like deflowering heaven and you resisted her like she's just a regular ol' girl on the street that does not have a million Tonys. Not cool, Taylor, not cool. I was ready to rally the torches and pitchforks over that one...in fact, Audra is so fierce, I think you should be thankful you have your testies in tact.

Gideon Glick

Sure, he may be a manic-depressive (and his sort-of departure from the show crash-landed into raging biotch territory), but Gideon Glick has the soft-spoken voice and the looks of the most harmless, fabulous angel. Even during his tirades, my pants kept having to re-adjust. Which may seem fun at first, but not when I am watching this on a train. 

Adam Chanler-Berat

Okay, this is just not fair, Wes. Adam is like Broadway's resident kitten and you have the gonads to flirt and be cuddly and kiss and sex him up in his own apartment like he is a prop. And Adam probably cooked you breakfast the next day...do you have any idea how many times I have imagined him making me an omelette after foreplay? Only like six or fourteen times. This week.


Photo Credits: ItCouldBeWorse.TV

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