9 Not-At-All Likely BC/EFA Flea Market Items I Would Cut a Bitch For

It's here, you guys...IT"S HERE!!!

We are only less then 12 hours away from the most exciting event of the year if you love all things theater - the BC/EFA flea market and fundraiser. I am preparing my outfit in my head and thinking about which bank to rob to afford a five-figure cameo in Kinky Boots that may or may not give me the chance to wear thigh-high red, glam boots and short-shorts on a Broadway stage with Stark Sands. What? It could happen.

Which got me thinking...pending life-long debt and running away from the IRS (or just a straight-up imprisonment), here are items that could be sold at the BC/EFA flea market that I would pummel some folk to get my hands on. As I should.

-- The Curtain from "On A Clear Day, You Can See Forever"

Funny story...when I was in the audience for On a Clear Day..., I was taking in all that curtain had to offer because it was FABULOUS. Late-60's mod to the max with that Black and White bold print - my style/aesthetic to a T - the party I was with and I all agreed that this would probably be the highlight of the show. We were only partially right - thank you, Jessie Mueller - but yeah, if I were to see a gaggle of arms reach for it at a table, I would wrestle that curtain o' awesome away and start hitting people with it. I think that pattern itself would stun them into dizziness. Awesome.

-- Boy's Costume from Peter and the Starcatcher

Yes, I know...the unnamed boy that would become Peter Pan has been kicked around and is disheveled looking and has many sads and stuff. But as far as his costume clothes? Post-apocalyptic edgy chic, I say. Is it sad that when 'Boy' is getting abused in Act I, all I can think about is how that outfit would look professionally lit and on a runway? I would buy every item of clothing off his back - yes, without washing it - lock, stock and barrel. And probably wear it and roll around in it as people are maneuvering about Shubert Alley. Don't act like you wouldn't...

-- Kate's apartment from Seminar

The sum total of thought I have on Seminar can be summed up as follows: "Gorgeous Apartment, smart, talkie stuff, Gorgeous Apartment, Lily Rabe is fabulous, Gorgeous Apartment, smart, talkie stuff...that apartment is gorgeous!"

I'll take it all; the book shelf, the kind-of couch, the artwork, the high-ceilings, the kitchen we don't see that has ice cream...all of it. It was so polished and chic, the setpiece is essentially a 90-minute HGTV design-gasm. I'll just be happy to take a mini-replica and when I start making my...hundreds, I'll hand it over to a construction team and say, "have at it."

-- The Knife/Gun from Venus in Fur

Let me tell you, everytime Vanda started whipping weapons out, I though Hugh Dancy was going to die. Which probably would have happened if it weren't for that whole, "murder in cold blood" thing the system frowns upon. And you know what...that's a "HOLY FU**BALLS" moment for the ages courtesy la Nina Arianda. No, I have not and probably will never physically hurt someone, but those items are fierce and I like fierce things.

-- The Decor Magazine from The Lyons

One thing I have noticed seeing The Lyons multiple times is that the magazine that Rita Lyons is rummaging through in the beginning conveniently has, like, every style of interior decor out there. Name the design scheme and it is there - and Rita will rally it off as her husband is on his deathbed. Who wouldn't want a nice made-up decor magazine detailing every which way we the living room could be styled? I would...and with Linda Lavin's piercingly, hilarious voice in my head, I would probably haul out the credit card and start buying more stuff, made-up or not.

-- The Mirror Jacket from Leap of Faith

In a show largey devoid of anything quality, the one highlight (if you could even call it that), was that we were treated to some fierce mirror jacket action. It helped that it's wearer was Raul Esparza, who could make a dish towel look like couture. The "disco-ball levels of gaudy" jacket was wicked sparkly and has all eyes on its wearer, meaning, I must own it. And with my passion for fashion, bitches better watch out.

-- The Blue Taffeta Suit from Jesus Christ Superstar

Once you slap on a blue Tom Ford suit on Judas Iscariot with a sequined top, you just know I was salivating at the thought of wearing it. It's almost a shame it is relegated to one number towards the end of the show, because a guy wearing that suit should make random appearances throughout. Or just pull a "Ricky Martin as Che in Evita" and just stand around and look invested and stuff. Because anything is astronomically more interesting when blue, taffeda, sequins and Tom Ford combine to make a suit of epic proportions. My body; I want...

-- The Quidditch Arena from Potted Potter

I loved Potted Potter for its glorious, witty, family-friendly parody of Harry Potter. But no matter my level of sophistication (no, really), the Quidditch audience-interaction scene that opened up the 4th book was, by far, one of the most entertaining and laugh-out-loud hilarious moments of forever. Who wouldn't want that Gryffindor/Slytheran light-up goals to mount the walls of their living room or bedroom? Sucky people maybe. And like those rabid children seekers, I would lay a bitch out to get my hands on them.

-- The entire Peter and the Starcatcher set

I haven't been back to the Brooks Atkinson theater in quite some time, but OMGod you guys, I be missing Donyale Werle's McGyver set like everyday. It's so pretty and imaginative that I want it to be my bedroom. I'll sleep on a crate if I have to - that pirate ship is awesome, as is the shrubbery, serene backdrop of the island that will become Neverland. Screw cutting a bitch, who do I have to kill?!

Photo Credit: GaloMagazine
Photo Credit: Jeremy Daniel via StageRush.com
Photo Credits: Broadway.com
Photo Credit: FYeahTheaterSetsAndProps.Tumblr.com

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