Glee 3x12 "The Spanish Teacher"

For the life of me, I can’t seem to string along an entry regarding Smash…I blame blogger’s block. I hope to get to that one before the next episode airs in real-time.

On the other hand, Glee has left me at no shortage of words. Well, that’s not true exactly because the entire time I was watching it, I was like “Whaa…?” and “What the…?” and “Huh…?”

"Wait, why are we singing a duet Naya?"
"Who knows? I just do what I am told. Hit it!
I am sorry, but the show really struck a nerve last night. Like, so bad I put it up there with the all-time worst episodes, right next to the much lamented Christmas episode from right before hiatus. Say what you will about the last two episodes, or even this season in general, but at least they mostly succeeded on the music front. In addition, the plot points, if not actually decent, were at least tolerable or “so bad, it’s good.”

Enter last night’s episode, which for the most part, had neither. Occasionally funny? Sure, no argument there. Mind you, not enough to offset the rest of…whatever that was. Shun me for turning my back on a boundary-breaking show, one I really used to love and I have no shame in admitting that, but who can say with a straight face that last night’s episode had much in the way of highlights? I can’t and I am a pretty good actor.

EDIT: Would anyone have guessed that Ian Brennan wrote last night’s episode? That makes a little sense; there were some funny lines/scenes. But oh man, we are losing him…I need to intervene and save him.

In the bigger picture, I still ‘love’ the show, but for different reasons. I will still watch in real time, taking it all in, making quippy remarks and laughing at the absurdity…that is just my way of loving the show as it tries to recapture the essence it once had. Who knows…they can pull it out if when they want to. I’ll sit through any episode if there is 3 minutes of an epicifed number in the “Smooth Criminal” vein. I’ll even sit through 3 or 4 episodes for a fantastic, jaw-dropping episode in the “Asian F” mold.

Let’s go right to the music and interject with some commentary (and Skype chat with Caroline, the real star of the evening).

Believe it or not, Ricky Martin was not a problem. Usually, when Glee goes the guest star route, the entire episode tends to revolve around him/her, including getting the best lines and musical performances, before dumping them at the end. I smelled the inserted plot contrivance the moment the synopsis hit the Internet, but Martin’s character was at least in-line for the show and did not dominate the entire proceedings.

What is there to say about this number really? Kind of fun and clearly the ensemble had a blast. But I am calling it like it is; a clunky lyric-changed, low-rent version of their much funnier and less pandering “Do You Wanna Touch?” from last year, right down to the celebrity guest star and the chair dancing.

Even so, I can’t complain all that much. It gave Caroline and I all the material we needed.

It's true; my body is ready!
Caroline: KURT’s Face.
Caroline: LOL
NRNW: Quinn’s body is ready
Caroline: Clearly
NRNW: And so is Kurt’s
Caroline: Oh, right, no Blaine again
Caroline: Hahahaha. Good thing Blaine isn’t there
NRNW: So much fan service
Caroline: OOH! Arties sweater!
Caroline: Kurt needs a cold shower
Caroline: Oh god Finn, no
NRNW: Suggestive Mike Chang
NRNW: Passion in his pants
Caroline: Mike Chang can have passion in my pants
Caroline: (Or something)
Caroline: wait, did Kurt just get up in the last shot, then be sitting back down in the next shot, and then be up again in the shot after that
NRNW: Questions, so many questions
Caroline: Glee, forever creating questions they didn’t consider and don’t have answers to.
NRNW: And story arches with no relevance that would get people arrested in real life

We are accepting media requests for our own show. All inquiries can go to notrightneverwrong@gmail.com

Props to Amber Riley and Chord Overstreet for the effort – and I actually like the idea of “Hero” portion of Sam's number with the tempo runned out – but neither really impressed me and both have had far better performances in the past.

Just so you know, I did not mind the idea of featuring Spanish/Latin-inspired songs. Any episode in which the music is versatile and not a ploy for music sales is A-ok with me (it seems pretty obvious that the core audience of Glee are not rushing to download some of these numbers). However, since the storylines and staging were majorly disappointing, the numbers were just…”there.”

El verdad; me gusta una canta con la lengua Espanol. ("The truth: I like songs in the Spanish language.")...Thanks 9 years of Spanish

Case in point; they did a great job. Not award-worthy, but my clear favorite of the episode.

Pardon my Spanish, but GET THE HELL OFF MY STAGE…CHICO. My eyes and ears may never recover. Matthew Morrison could be one of the best voices on the show if they gave him an ‘actual’ number, preferably a Broadway-belting sort of one. Anything would be better then…whatever that was. Clearly, it is something of performance art or some inside writers joke because the creators seem hell-bent on…nope, no still got nothing on what that was.

There was a time, many many full moons ago, when Will Schuester was not the sleazy, douschebag he is now. Any plotline involving him (and Emma consequently) is ridiculous because they follow the same silhouette. Will gets a plot contrivance {Emma’s folks, engagement, forgot the language he teaches}. Will’s Douschebag comes out to play. Will offends Emma (whether she realizes it or not) or upsets her. Will Apologizes. All is forgiven. Cycle repeats.

You know the episode is a new low when Emma’s adorably hilarious pamphlets become a plot point and upstage everything. That scene in the locker room has me losing it. Again, why complain when we can judge…

Show of hands: who wants to read
all of Emma's Pamphlets?!
NRNW: Taints Misbehavin
NRNW: Emma’s pamphlet…in the locker room…
Caroline: “And when I showed that to my Cooter…”
Caroline: Words I never expected to hear
NRNW: The boys scrubbing…shaving…I don’t know
Caroline: Let’s TALK ABOUT JUNK
NRNW: Coach Bieste brought it to her Cooter
NRNW: Process that
Caroline: I showed my Cooter how to wash it’s junk

Enough said. Entering bullet point mode…initiate!

- Kurt and Finn’s heart-to-heart might have resonated better if this was not the first time they have spoken to each other, in a stepsiblings sense, in who knows how long. The show picks up and drops so many relationship pairings and friendships, but this one is particularly worth saving. They make awesome stepbrothers considering all they have been through and their relationship really is worth examining.

- Sue Sylvester’s strive for motherhood was stupid (in a bad way), just like the time she married herself. Most jokes fell flat, but at least there were some hilariously inappropriate scenarios.

- Can someone get rid of that Housewife girl? You know…bury her or drown her like in a soap opera. Or something. Girl cannot act to save her life.

- A little credit is due…the Sam/Mercedes thing didn’t really go anywhere this week (although this so-called “boyfriend” does exist; that is news to me), but when Emma started in on that texting/instant messaging speech, I thought we were in for another hour of “lesson of the day.” That was mostly avoided…phew.

"Ladies? Got a Tampax you can spare?
It's happening."
 - The scene where and Rachel, Mercedes and Kurt are watching Twilight? Let’s go to the chat:

NRNW: We are spirit animals
NRNW: I talk about my period all the time
Caroline: Our periods don’t come until the end of the month
Caroline: Kurt has sympathy periods
NRNW: They lost out on an opportunity to have Chris Colfer work a tampon
Caroline: Chris has probably never even seen a tampon
NRNW: Enter Glee

That was love.

- We know Darren Criss was out performing in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, but where was Jenna Ushkowitz this week? Trust me writers; I will never quit her…give her something to do other then play back up.

Photo Credits: Glee/Fox 5

No comments: